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BUYING
A BRA
Cowboy Poetry
~
By Loren Moore
| You
know, I ain't never been much for shopping |
| In
fact, I try to stay away from town |
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Except when shopping time comes |
| I
ain’t that easily found. |
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But the day came when I had to go |
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And I left the kids with ma |
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But before I left, she asked me |
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"Would you pick me up a bra?"
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Without thinkin’ I said "sure" |
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How tough could that job be? |
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I knelt down and kissed her |
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And said I’d be back by three
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Well, when I done the things I
needed |
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I started to regret |
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Ever offering to buy that thing |
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I was working up to a sweat. |
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I crossed the street to the
clothes store |
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With my hat pulled over my
eyes |
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I wasn’t takin’ no chances |
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On a bein’ recognized
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I walked right up to the
sales clerk |
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an' I didn’t hem or haw |
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I told the lady right
straight out |
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"Ma’am, I’m here ta buy
a bra."
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From behind I
heard some
snickers |
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So I turned around
to see |
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At least 15 women
in the shop |
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And they’s all a
gawkin’ right at
me!
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"What kind
would you be
looking
for?" |
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"Well," I
just
scratched my
head |
|
I’d only
seen one
kind before |
|
"Thought
bras was
bras," I
said
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She
gives
me a
disgusted
look |
|
"Sir,
that’s
where
you’re
wrong |
|
Come
with
me," I
heard
her
say |
|
An'
like a
dog, I
tagged
along
|
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| She took me down this alley |
|
Where bras was on display |
|
Well, I thought my jaw’d hit the floor |
|
When I seen that lingerie |
|
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They had all these different styles |
|
Thangs I’d not seen before |
| I thought that I’d go crazy |
|
‘fore I left that women’s store |
| |
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They had bras you could wear for eighteen hours |
| And bras that cross your heart |
|
There was bras that lift and separate |
| And that was just the start |
| |
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They had bras that made you feel |
|
Like you weren’t wearing one at all |
| And bras that you can train in |
|
When you start off, when you’re small |
| |
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Well I finally made my mind up |
|
Picked a black and lacy one |
| I told the lady "Bag it up," |
| an' figured I was done |
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| But then she asked me |
| for the size ~ I didn’t hesitate |
| I knew them measurements |
| by heart ~ "it's 6 7/8ths" |
| |
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"Six and seven eighths, well sir |
|
That really isn’t right" |
| "Oh yes ma’am, I’m positive, |
| I just measured em just last night |
| |
| I thought that she’d go into shock, |
|
Musta took her by surprise |
|
When I told her that my wife’s bust |
| Was just the same as my hat size |
|
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"That’s what I use to measure with, |
| I figured it was fair |
| But if I’m wrong, I’m sorry ma’am." |
| An' that drew another stare |
| |
| By now, a crowd had gathered |
| An' they’s all a crackin' up |
|
When the lady asked to see my hat |
| To measure tha size of tha cup |
| |
|
When she finally had it figured out |
| I gave the gal her pay |
| I turned to leave the store |
|
Tipped my hat ‘n said "Good day" |
| |
| My wife heard the whole story |
|
‘Fore ever I made it home |
|
She’d talked to fifteen women |
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Who’d called her on the phone |
| |
| She was still a laughin’ |
| But by then I didn’t care |
| Now she don’t ask, and I don’t shop |
|
For no more women’s underwear. |
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BY OUR DEAR
DEPARTED BROTHER
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LOREN MOORE |
|
 COPYRIGHT
2003 |
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